All posts by Robert Pate

My name is Robert Pate and I am a licensed Clinical Psychologist in Southern California. I work in private practice providing therapy to individuals, couples, and families, in addition to supervising pre-licensed clinicians. My clients come in seeking help for a wide variety of concerns such as relationship difficulties, anger management, parenting struggles, depression, social anxiety, and many others. I love my clinical work and look forward to every session as a chance to make a difference for the better in someone's life, whether in person, or via telehealth (live video therapy) sessions. I get similarly excited about the work I do with my doctoral psychology students at California Baptist University. As Director of Clinical Training I have the opportunity to teach and mentor the next generation of clinical psychologists and connect them with training sites in the community that will prepare them for independent practice. I also enjoy consulting with clinicians who are looking to expand their practices to support and challenge them as they harness their clinical and business strengths to maximize their income while maintaining balance in their lives. If you are interested in working together, either as a therapy client, clinical supervisee, or as a private practice coaching client, feel free to reach out. I work in a group therapy practice and can be found at https://cavfamilytherapy.com/dr-robert-pate/
Motivation, Self Help

Are you worth a second chance?

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I watched the movie, “Seabiscuit” yesterday, and for any of you who have not seen it, I’d highly recommend it. While the film is well-acted, -directed, etc. it’s really the story that jumps out. At face value, “Seabiscuit” is a horse racing movie. I understand that 2/3 of you may have just tuned out, but stay with me for a quick minute here. If you look past the action/drama of the come-from-behind horse racing story, a much clearer picture emerges.

The foundation of the story is the constant struggle to overcome. The characters have all experienced a significant loss and are dealing with the powerful emotions of grief, depression, remorse, anger, self-doubt, and uncertainty. One of my favorite lines from the film is, “You don’t throw a whole life away just because it’s banged up a little.” This is said at times when characters are experiencing others giving up on them because of their failures, flaws, losses, even poor state of health.

Surely most of us have felt pretty low at times. Perhaps you’ve gotten to the point that you wanted to (or did) give up on an important relationship, career, education, business venture, or marriage. Maybe you’ve felt “banged up” in life. If you’re at all like the characters in “Seabiscuit” you’ve probably felt the need to have a second chance at something, maybe at life in general.

One of the hardest parts of this whole “second chance” business is the need to be able to give yourself one. It won’t really matter how many chances others give you if you are unable to see yourself as worthy of receiving them. If someone gives you a new lease on life by forgiving you, asking you on a date, hiring you, etc. there’s not much chance that you’ll fully take advantage of the new opportunity if you haven’t first taken a crucial internal step.

It is imperative that, regardless of how many times you have let yourself or others down, you forgive yourself, accept yourself, or at minimum, consider that you just might do better the next time.  See the possibility of a different outcome. You may need to lean on someone else for this at first. This is about hope, and sometimes hope can be hard to come by.

The bottom line is that when it comes to second chances, to make the most of them you’ve got to start with yourself. Whether you ask for one or it’s simply given to you, a second chance is easy to waste if you haven’t personally entertained the thought that you can be, feel, relate and live better.

“Seabiscuit” is about overcoming. It is about community. A coming together of broken people finding their wholeness by being vulnerable with each other and trusting that they are better together. However banged up life has left you, remember that you’re still here. You’ve made it this far! I don’t know what your second chance looks like, but since you’re reading this, it seems life has given you one. It’s up to you how you use it.

 

Robert2 Dr. Robert Pate is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY27089) practicing in Orange County, California. For more information about Dr. Pate’s practice, call 657-200-8080 or visit www.cavfamilytherapy.com.

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A Place to Start

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Hello! Welcome to Dr. Pate Says, a space for exploring the myriad issues of life. Topics will include everything from relationships to parenting, work difficulties to family conflict, surviving trauma to self-care, and anything else that may relate to how we get through the daily grind.

I’ve been in the field of Mental Health in various capacities since 2004 and my hope with this site is that you will leave with something every time you visit. Each post may not directly relate to something you are personally struggling with, but chances are, someone you know is probably dealing with the issue right now. You just might be able to give them the feedback they need, or at least point them in the direction of someone who can. The point is that information related to mental health is relevant for everyone. This is true because we interact with so many people everyday and we all have things that we wrestle with.

For some, it’s a broken relationship that is taking a long time to heal. For others, that relationship has simply never materialized in the first place. Many have experienced one or more traumas. Though you have survived it, you may not have thrived beyond it. For some, the simple act of expressing a want or a need may seem impossible. For others, starting a relationship may be simple, but maintaining it can seem like a futile pursuit. For some, emotions like anger, fear, or depression can take us prisoner for hours, days, weeks, or even years at a time. Perhaps others’ expectations may seem impossibly high. Maybe your own expectations are unrealistically high!

Whatever your situation, I hope you will join in by checking back regularly or, even more simply, by clicking the “subscribe” button to receive an email when I write about a new topic (typically landing in your “Social” folder in your inbox unless you specify otherwise). The posts you read will be geared toward helping make sense of difficult relational, emotional, and psychological issues. Hopefully you will walk away with something to apply to your life. Or, you may simply marinate in the information for a time until it becomes more personally relevant.

Thank you for checking out the site, and buckle up! Life is a bumpy ride, and it’s easy to get banged up along the way. Check out some of the other posts and leave feedback to encourage other visitors who may be on the same journey with you. Welcome aboard!

 

Robert2 Dr. Robert Pate is a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY27089) practicing in Orange County, California. For more information about Dr. Pate’s practice, call 657-200-8080 or visit www.cavfamilytherapy.com.